PD vs EMT

Working the sixteen hours of clinical in an ambulance to get my EMT license brought back so many police memories, and with them I experienced the great contrast between the two roles. What follows is an examination of that contrast...

In policework, once you check out a car, you're gone- no one wants to see you back at the station unless you have an arrest or just need to use the head. As an EMT , you head back to the barn after every call, sit  on a couch and watch TV, play on your laptop- no one cares. If you did that as a cop, you'd be written up for dereliction of duty and not 'covering your beat'.
In policework, if things get slow, you make your own activity; you pull over a junkie loser with an expired sticker or a leadfoot who just blew the red light; like as not he has warrants, you get to toss his car and take him to jail.

In the EMT world, you can't exactly bust out on Main Street and whack some guy up the side of the head to get a little action. Back at the break room you wait- sometimes for hours- being forced to endure puerile movies like Talledega Nights accompanied by the banter of twenty-something guys in all its fascinating glory.  Conversation runs the gamut from what's in the refrigerator ( Susie made me pork chops today)  to the new Blue Ray player and all its features, to the bonehead move some co-worker made last shift, to that FNG medic  that no one will ride with because he wants to push drugs on every call.

In the cop world, no one gets in your space. You have a zone of impenetrability that extends around you like a cone, with an extra foot of leeway around  the hip your gun is on. As an EMT, people's bodily fluids are your business, and you're rubbing assess and elbows with your partner  as you clamber about the small space remaining in the back of the ambulance once the loaded stretcher is on, trying to reach the hospital radio, EKG mounted on the wall, blood pressure cuff, etc.  Often you're enroute to the hospital while all this is going on, so you don't even have stability, lurching all over.

As an EMT, calls are brief. You may be asking people the most personal questions about their drug habits, what they've consumed or how many times they've puked in the last few hours - but it will be over very soon. Once you’re transporting to the hospital, there’s a limited exposure of about ten more minutes with the patient. You arrive, tuck them into a room, give the nurse your report, and boom you're done.

As a cop, once a call starts it tends to stretch out. Even a simple burglary report can require an hour and half, what with crime scene, inventory, photos, etc. and the report. If you’re transporting someone, that's an arrest, and when you reach the station the fun is just beginning. Now you have to empty the guy's pockets, take away shoes, belt, jewelry, inventory any money and separately inventory all property and clothing. Then you have to bang out an arrest report and perhaps finish a tow slip. Start to finish this takes at least two hours, especially if you need to wait for a tow for his car. Meanwhile the dispatcher is asking you to clear before your report is done- and often you must- so at the end of the night you may end up with seven half-done reports to finish. After a busy night, the briefing room is quiet as eight or more officers from the previous shift are banging out their reports so they can go home.

As a cop, it's practically your job to be gruff with people. All the hoopla about community policing aside, if you act to nice to people they're gonna walk all over you. You can be taciturn, rude, noncommittal, act like you don't even care- and its all seen as  part of the persona and no one minds. You can make sick jokes and be extremely sarcastic, and still come across as a dedicated veteran officer.

From the EMT,  people are expecting a bit of sympathy and hand holding. So what if they call the ambulance every week when they get drunk and can't walk home - they want to be mollycoddled just as much as the stroke victim or the multiple motor vehicle accident patient.
 
Something both roles have in common is a tendency to second guess people.

"Can you believe this guy called 911 for a transport and all he has is a headache? Why didn't he just ask his girlfriend to take him? Then again, he's  frequent flier, you see all the calls to this address? Waste of the taxpayer's money.And of course he doesn't have any insurance."

"This guy has a record  for B&E, assault, and dope, plus multiple motor vehicle infractions. He's going down."

A message about Parking from your local Community College

An announcement arrives from Great Bay Community College regarding Parking. That's  with a "P". Once again, my inborn irreverence cannot let this document stand unmolested.

I reproduce the missive ,original in bold the edited version (italics) is all mine.


Early in September our parking areas were spilling over and we were allowing people to park in areas we otherwise would not.  

Humble and long suffering students, in our move we grossly underestimated the number of parking spaces needed, even though the new lots were 1/3 the size of the old. Just like we forgot to tell you about the snags with the old building-  

• the cafe would be closed for half the summer session 
  
• we wouldn't replace toilet paper during the moving. 
• those fees you paid for computer and library access? Phooey. Those are all packed up now.
  

This photo shows the old campus, with but a smidge of the palatial lots. One detractor- it didn't appear very New Hampshire - it looked like Florida. All the more reason to make it a nursing home now.

Since then we have witnessed a lightening of the demand for on campus parking, and have added spaces to the inventory as well.

You people dropped and flunked out at a higher rate than even we anticipated. The "spaces" were previously covered by lingering construction vehicles.

In fact, the Student Senate has undertaken a parking survey whereby they inventoried available spaces every hour of every day of the week.  This has revealed that there are adequate numbers of lined parking spaces for the numbers of cars that are here at any time on any day.

We stuck the student senate with this job so there would be less outcry; don't shoot the messenger, it's coming from one of your own.We define 'adequate' as enough spaces at 8pm, or during the lunch hour, but limited enough that at 9am that you will be forced to circle and hover.
 

From this point forward parking will be limited to “lined” spaces.  Parking curbside or on the grass will now be eliminated.  This will place us in a better situation relative to accessibility to campus by emergency vehicles, and enable us to maintain a more attractive campus.   It will also make proper clearing of snow possible during the upcoming winter months.

One wonders how errant vehicles might be 'eliminated'. Will  they be sequestered in the student automotive shop ( if it still exists) and chopped for parts?

 

We also have been granted access to park at 360 Corporate Drive as there is a vacant, unused lot at that address.  It is a very short walk from there to the campus.

Vacant and unused, hmm. Does that mean our nonexistent security patrol, usually found playing video games on their laptops, will be maintaining their non-presence in this nether area as well? Park there at your peril.    Who will plow and maintain this nefarious space? The "short walk" could become a Iditarod qualifier if one has to hoof it over unplowed areas to reach campus.

 Thank you for your patience when our parking lots were overflowing and for your cooperation now that this situation has been relieved.

As usual, what choice did we have, hapless commuter students that we are? 

 The best thing about the new campus is ...

• not the drawers in the Chemistry lab that open only halfway, breaking glassware inside when one's arm unexpectedly encounters a full stop; 

• not the women's toilets that need to be flushed "twice a potty" or leave scary remnants; 
• not the elevator that is never available,  
• or the mystery hallways that lead nowhere- 

 the best thing about the new campus is the Green Bean, with its fresh and tasty cuisine and Joni Mitchell soundtracks, like:  They Paved Paradise and Put Up A Parking Lot.